| Em | Em | Em | Em | | Em | Em | | Em | A G | Em | A G | | Em | A G | Em | A G | [Verse 1] Em Walkin' like a millionaire A G Smilin' like a king Em A G He leaned his shopping cart against the wall Em He said, "I been a lot of places A G And I seen a lot of things Em A G But, sonny, I seen one thing that beats 'em all [Pre-Chorus] Em I was flyin' back from Lubbock A D I saw Jesus on the plane Em or maybe it was Elvis A Bm You know, they kinda look the same Em A Hey, look out, Junior, you're steppin' on my bed" D Em I said, "I don't see nothin" A He just glared at me and said [Chorus] Em A If dirt were dollars Em A If dirt were dollars Em A If dirt were dollars G Em A G I wouldn't worry anymore [Verse 2] Em Lookin' like a beauty queen A G Loyal as a wife Em A G She raised her little voice and testified Em "I am a good girl A G I've been one all my life" Em A G But her virtue was as swollen as her pride [Pre-Chorus] Em She should've had the Oscar A D She must have been miscast Em A D Her fifteen minutes went by so fast Em A D I said, "Now, baby, have you got no shame?" Em She just looked at me, uncomprehendingly A D Like cows at a passing train [Chorus] Em A If dirt were dollars Em A If dirt were dollars Em A If dirt were dollars Em A I wouldn't worry anymore [Bridge] G We got the bully pulpit And the poisoned pen A We got a press no better Than the public men C This brave new world D Em Gone bad again Em God's finest little creatures A G Looking brave and strong Em Whistling past the graveyard A G Nothing can go wrong Em Quoting from the scriptures A G With patriotic tears Em We got the same old men A G With the same old fears Em Standing at attention A D Wrapped in stars and stripes Em They hear the phantom drummers A D And the nonexistent pipes Em These days the buck stops nowhere A D No one takes the blame Em But evil is still evil A D In anybody's name [Chorus] Em A If dirt were dollars Em A If dirt were dollars Em A If dirt were dollars G Em A G We'd all be in the black Em A If dirt were dollars Em A If dirt were dollars Em A If dirt were dollars G Em A G We wouldn't worry anymore