D  G  D   A  D
D  G  D   A  D

[Verse 1]
           D                      G           D
Well I was chasing down flies and shooting up women
D                             A              D
Trying to get the whole thing straight in my head
D                       G            D
Lookin for a girl who’d come with me swimming
D                              A         D
And come and play tunes at the end of my bed

[Interlude]
D G D  A D
D G D  A D

[Verse 2]
D                        G            D
And all the hardmen were drinkin down petrol
D                         A           D
Bamming up the girls when in came the law
D                        G              D
Heading for the door and getting tongue tied
D                       A         D
When they asked me what exactly I saw

[Chorus]
D                      G
So I’ll get some Monte Christo’s
D                         A
And we can all go see the band
D                   G
Well I may not be a looker yeah
D                     A     D     A D
But I’ll help you any way I can

[Interlude]
D G D  A D
D G D  A D

[Verse 3]
D                     G         D
Back at my room I was making me nervous
D               A          D
Watching TV and picking my feet
D                        G          D
Wishing I was pretty and burning my shoes
D                        A        D
And wishing for once I’d kept the receipt
D                   G            D
I called myself and wondered out loud
D                            A               D
Tried to get the whole thing straight in my head
D                           G              D
I left the tape running and played it back twice
D                            A          D
But I couldn’t make sense of what I had said

[Chorus]
D                      G
So I’ll get some Monte Christo’s
D                         A
And we can all go see the band
D                   G
Well I may not be a looker yeah
D                     A     D     A D
But I’ll help you any way I can

[Harmonica Solo]
D G  D A D  G D
D A D  G D

[Bridge]
        G
Well it may not make you handsome
                                    D C G D
And it may not even make you feel aliiiiive
G
You may not have the ransom
                            Em
But you can always count on this
Em
It’s him and them and she and me
    N.C.
And sick and muddy, everybody

[Interlude]
D G D  A D
D G D  A D

[Chorus]
D                      G
So I’ll get some Monte Christo’s
D                         A
And we can all go see the band
D                   G
Well I may not be a looker yeah
D                     A     D     A D
But I’ll help you any way I can
D                             G
So you can bring your wasters banjo
D                               A
Bring yer sister and her friend Diane
D                     G
Well I may not have a big boys pistol
D                      A     D    A D
But I’ll help them any way I can
D                          G
And you can call me Cinderella!
D                         A
You can make me your best man
D                 G
Well you may be a right old queen
D                     A     D
But I’ll help you any way I can