My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for To help unfortunate merfolk like yourself Poor souls with no one else to turn to G# I admit that in the past I've been a nasty F# They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways E F# G# Repented, seen the light, and made a switch True? Yes. And I fortunately know a little magic F# It's a talent that I always have possessed And dear lady, please don't laugh I use it on behalf E F# G# Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic) E Poor unfortunate souls D# C# In pain, in need A G# This one longing to be thinner C# G# That one wants to get the girl A# And do I help them? D# Yes, indeed E Those poor unfortunate souls D# C# So sad, so true A G# They come flocking to my cauldron C# G# Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!" A# And I help them! C# Yes I do A Now it's happened once or twice C# Someone couldn't pay the price D# E And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals A Yes I've had the odd complaint E F# G# But on the whole I've been a saint E F# C# To those poor unfortunate souls Have we got a deal? A The men up there don't like a lot of blabber G They think a girl who gossips is a bore! Yet on land it's much prefered for ladies not to say a word F G A And after all dear, what is idle babble for? Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation G True gentlemen avoid it when they can But they dote and swoon and fawn On a lady who's withdrawn F G A It's she who holds her tongue who get's a man F Come on you poor unfortunate soul E D Go ahead! Make your choice! A# A D A I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day B It won't cost much E A Just your voice! F You poor unfortunate soul E D It's sad but true A# A If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet D A You've got the pay the toll A# A Take a gulp and take a breath D A And go ahead and sign the scroll A# A Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys D E F The boss is on a roll D F A D This poor unfortunate soul ( D ) F# G# Beluga sevruga A B C# Come winds of the Caspian Sea F# G# Larengix glaucitis A B Et max laryngitis C# F La voce to me Now, sing!