I'm gonna be hypnotized
To stop me from smoking
Everyone keeps telling me
It's bad for my voice
I'm gonna stay home tonight
So I don't get hung over
Get myself a takeaway
And watch MTV

This is not a confessional song
I'm just singing to myself
My situation didn't leave me strong
Everybody needs a little help

Got myself a little dog (Sasha)
She's 18 weeks old now
Guess she's just a substitute
But I don't know what for
I was born a Catholic
(poor old Father Delaney)
Now I'm on a guilt trip
That I try to suppress