I brush my teeth and look in the mirror And laugh out loud as I'm beaming from ear to ear I'd rather pick flowers instead of fight And rather than flaunt my style I'd flash you a smile Of clean pearly whites I've been to the dentist A thousand times, so I know the drill I smooth my hair, sit back in the chair but somehow I still get the chills Have a seat He says pleasantly As he shakes my hand And practically laughs at me Open up nice and wide He says, peering in And with a smirk he says, "Don't have a fit, this'll just pinch a bit" As he tries not to grin When hygienists leave on long vacations That's when dentists scream and lose their patience Talking only brings the toothaches on Because I say the stupidest things So if my resolve goes south I'll swallow my pride with an aspirin And shut my mouth Golf and alcohol don't mix And that's why I don't drink and drive Because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth And hafta kiss my smile goodbye I've been to the dentist A thousand times, so I know the drill I smooth my hair, sit back in the chair but somehow I still get the chills